Friday, July 08, 2011

A New Torture for Dante's Inferno

I have, with Vaelyn's help, discovered a new torture for Dante's Hell.  For those people who never had children and scorn the imperfections of those exhausted elite who have chosen or had parenthood thrust upon them, this new torture involves putting a small child to bed.  The small child will resist sleep perpetually, getting up every few moments to bestow a loving hug upon the torturee.  The torturee must also incorporate no corporal punishment whatsoever, but must continue to lovingly place the child into bed, tucking him/her in gently and patiently each time.  About five or ten minutes later (never at the same interval, so as to catch the torturee off guard), the child will creep out for another hug, look up into the torturee's face with an innocent look of devotion and say, "I love you."  The torturee will then repeat the procedure of putting the child to bed over and over and over and over in a perpetual loop.  The exhausted elite, however, should they be unable to enter Heaven, will be immune to this torture and, thus, require a different punishment.  In fact, currently, no torture to which the exhausted elite are not immune has been found.  They do, surprisingly, tend to go mad if exposed to prolonged periods of absolute silence and peacefulness.

2 comments:

Laurie Crater Battles said...

Connie: I love it!!!! You need to add the torture of getting small people to eat green foods....my oldest ate nothing but Chef Boyardee Ravioli for several months when he was 2. Not kidding.

Unknown said...

That's a great idea, Laurie! :)